Discovering that you've been fooling yourself all along.

So this is probably the most painful entry I have written so far. I don't know whether I will bother trying to get a publisher any more. Maybe I'll win money and self publish and promote all my own stuff. I'm so sick of publishers rejecting my work! I am beginning to truly think my writing or my story or my characters or something totally sucks! I'm writing in anger right now, but sometimes that's the best time to get your feelings out. I won't blame the publishers, though I wish they had just told me up front that my work is no good. No, I'll blame myself for dreaming big. Actually, for dreaming at all. My husband keeps saying I don't dream enough or dream big enough. Well, the reason is I can't stand the inevitable crash down to reality. I feel like I may just not bother writing anymore...or at least not for awhile. I seem to have lost enjoyment in writing lately. I don't know if it's because I had all this anticipation and then nothing or what, but I can't get motivated to sit down and write anymore. I had all these dreams, where I would see my trilogy and eventually my saga on book shelves and be able to tell people where to buy them, but now I'm thinking, maybe they're not worth paying for.

I feel hollow, sad and extremely disappointed. I don't know that I have the courage to put myself out there anymore and get rejected over and over and over again. I think I'm just sick of the whole 'game'. I'm not saying I quit...yet, but I am saying I'm taking a hiatus. I don't want to deal with publishing houses who never give me a second glance or ones who do but then change their mind or get overruled or whatever. I'm tired and sad and just plain tired.

That's all for now.

Waiting

I know it's been a long time since I wrote last. I guess I just haven't had anything interesting to write, so I haven't bothered. As stated in my last post, I have been approached by a publishing house, but since then not a lot has happened. As far as I can guess, the editor is still interested in my work, but clearly she is busy with other manuscripts at the moment. So, it's a waiting game right now...and I truly suck at waiting. ~L~ It's like my sister once said, "I wish God would hurry up and give me some patience already!" The irony was not lost on me. :) So, here I wait, hoping to soon have something to tell people who keep asking me to keep them up to date. Here is the up to date info: there's nothing happening. I am trying to be diligent and edit my manuscripts at least every few days, and while I have book four in my head and some of it in my notebook, I just haven't had the motivation lately to work on it. I guess part of me is just tired, waiting in limbo and wondering how much longer this can last.

Ah well, that's enough whining for now. Will let you all know when ANYTHING happens in regards to me getting published.

Signing off for now,

Amy